Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Sentimental (Anxiety-Producing ) Journey

"Gonna set my heart at ease..."

My mom is a very talented piano player.  As a little girl, I would lay on the creaky hardwood floors in our dining room in our brownstone two-flat in Chicago, usually with a sleepy dog or two by my side, and sing with her as she played.

Sentimental Journey, sung by Doris Day in the 1940's, was one of my favorite tunes that mom would play.  Here's a quick glimpse if you're not familiar:

Well, the holidays are upon us, and it's no surprise to me that I've been feeling quite nostalgic and reminiscent lately.  Instead of delving into a whirlwind of deep reflections on holidays past (you're welcome), I simply wanted to just "be here."  Yup.  Post something, even if it's not the next part of my "If you really knew me" series, or a NaBloPoMo fulfillment requirement.

So, I'm here. I'm here now.
Ta aki awor

Over the past few weeks, I've been finding it so very difficult to simply live in the moment.  So here I am, publicly reminding myself to simply "stop" and ta aki awor.  "Ta aki awor," my not-so-subtle inner-wrist tattoo, means "be here now" in Papiamento (the language spoken in Aruba).  A few years ago when my husband and I were on our honeymoon there, I felt the need to remind myself, for the rest of my life, to embrace each moment and simply be "here."  Be present.  Be focused.  Be here now.

Lately, I haven't really paid much attention to the meaning of that tattoo.  I've realized that as much as I long for the excitement that "newness" brings, I often find it so difficult to stop and take the time to process change and focus on what it means for my life and the lives of others.  That inability to simply stop and think makes me anxious, which in turn, sparks the need in me to create more change in my life in an attempt to escape said anxiety for the short term.  Such a journey, I create for myself...

Tumble leaf, now

Denver's Tumbling Leaf was created a few years ago because I knew I'd always be the type of person who was not ashamed to "turn a new leaf" and start over.  Twist, turn, tumble and fumble, actually.  Well, thanks to the not-so-mysterious magic of Facebook, I've been trying to tumble in a direction away from my "live in the moment" anxiety, so I can truly enjoy my sentimental journey.  I have recently reconnected with some great friends from the past who I have been thinking about for quite some time.  I've dug through boxes of old photos, righted some wrongs, and relived some pretty kick-ass memories.

Some pretty kick-ass memories.  To really "set my heart at ease."


No comments:

Follow this blog with bloglovin

Follow Denvers Tumbling Leaf