Monday, April 23, 2007

I've Got the Jittery Jumps (and Tucker Does Too...)

Like a nasty, sneaky evil cat...a swan will hiss too.

Yep, a swan. Those graceful white beauties that hang out at the lake with the duckies at Washington Park near my house. They certainly do hiss. And pouf their bodies up like a cat does and the only thing that's different between the feline and the bird, in my opinion, is the "meow" and the "honk."

I'm a city girl. I don't know the first thing about swans, ducks, whathaveyou. Then how do I know that they hiss? Because seriously, not one, but TWO swans at Wash Park chased me and Tucker away from the lake today, hissing and honking like somebody killed all of their swan babies (ugh....for those of you who don't know my crazy killer cats story, I'll paste it at the bottom of this post so you're up to speed and can make the silly connection between these two rediculous stories).

Well, our encounter today was unlike the kitty encounter, but nonetheless freaky. Tucker knows the lake well, since both Mark and I take him around the lake at least 3 times a week. He's familiar with the ducks. He's familiar with the swans. He just kind of looks at them funny, like they're these foreign creatures that just landed from outer space (which now I'm fairly convinced that they might ACTUALLY be from outer space, and they've formed a pact with the kitties in the secret underground kitty lair, plotting the earth's demise. Again -- read my crazy killer cats posting below...)

Anyway, we ran past the pretty birds. Well, I mean, we TRIED to run past them. But instead of heading towards the water like all of the other duckies normally do when Tucker and I are running, this time, they started towards us, hissing (I could actually see swanny tounge!) and honking and making a ruckus. And what did I do? Just like the kitty encounter, I screamed. I freaking screamed out loud and turned Tucker around so we could go around the back of the boat house instead of in front of it like we normally do.

We escaped the birdie attack, but needless to say, both Tucker and I were a little "jumpy" the rest of the way home. Denver is a city FULL of animals. They're everywhere, which is why I love it. But holy Jeez, do they all have a vendetta against me and my 85 pound dog? You'd think that he'd bark at them, or chase them, or try to bite them, but no. He just shakes and gets scared. Ugh...

So that's not all. In the 8 blocks that we had left to travel on the way home, I managed to scream out loud yet again. We were passing the kitty house, and I'll be damned if I'll let them be scared in my own neighborhood. So we proceeded with caution again, but this time, no cats in sight. However, Tucker definitely recognizes the house and always looks around for them. But no cats. WHEW!

Umm...yeah. So we go about another block with our guards let down, sighing silly sighs of relief in unison. We're both smiling and prancing down Cedar St., light on our feet, and then...RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF RUFF (scary dog barking noises)! SCRATCHING SCRATCHING SCRATCHING (behind the wooden fence)! Kujo himself emerges from his backyard to give us one last run for our money.

Yep, I certainly yelped out loud, and couldn't help but laugh at the silliness of our luck with animals lately.

This time, the man across the street didn't ask if we needed help like before. He simply laughed at us too. :-)

HERE'S THE KITTY POST:

Chrissy and Tucker, 0. Killer crazy cats, 2.

That's right, I said, "Killer crazy cats, 2." If you've seen me within the past 2 weeks, you'll know that me and my dog Tucker got attacked by two sneaky evil cats on the street last week. Seriously...attacked! No joke... Except really, it was only me that walked away with bloody scratched up rabies legs, not Tucker. And although he is nearly 85 pounds, he bolted halfways down the block, shaking like a little school girl when satan's spawns decided to lay into me with their hissing and their crazy claws. That's some vicious guard dog I've got on my hands...

I know it sounds silly, but seriously, it was one of the most embarrasing and scary things that have happened to me in a long time. Embarrassing, because 2 other people across the street saw the entire freakish encounter, and one guy (who was about my age) yelled, "hey, do you need help????) Ummm...well...hmmm...I don't know jackass, I've never been attacked by one cat before, let alone two at one time. Well, the stupid bitchy cats finally decided to have mercy on me and they slowly slithered their way back to their evil kitty lair where cats go to plan the end of the world...

Anyway, after that episode, it was Chrissy and Tucker, 0 and killer crazy cats, 1.
Unfortunately, after my walk with Tucker today, the stinking furballs got to put another one up on the board. I wasn't going to let 2 bitchy kitties keep me from walking down Cedar street, so Tucker and I strolled past the house once again with caution, but with our heads held high. When to my surprise, I found one of the wretched culprits lounging on his owner's lap on the front porch of the house.

Yep, they weren't stray cats...someone actually owns these cats and despite their apparent complete disregard for bubbly joggers and their innocent dogs, allows them to roam the streets.
Immediately, the creepy feline jumped off the man's lap and started hissing and walking towards us, and I'll admit, I was freaked out! Damn cat won again. I've never been that scared of an animal before, and I have the scratches all over my legs as a pretty damn good excuse.

So I said, "Excuse me sir, do you own 2 cats?" And he nodded, and said the one that was approaching us has a "brother." At this point, I could care less about the relation of one nasty cat to another, and I was quick to say, "I just want you to know that they attacked me and my dog last week."

And his response was classic...

"Well, normally if you just keep walking, they'll leave you alone." Hmmm...so you're saying that they've attempted this sort of sneaky sabotage in the past?

"Well we were running, and we didn't have time to just 'keep walking.'" I said, somewhat sarcastically and with good reason.

"Yeah, they really like to go after dogs." Wha wha WHAT???

"Well they attacked MY legs, not my dog's."

"Gee, I'm sorry about that, but normally if you just walk away, they'll leave you alone."

At that point, I took Tucker and we just started walking back to our house. Seriously....you are AWARE that your cats like to "go after" dogs, yet you leave them outside in a city where there's literally more dogs than there are people?

WHACK JOB. Anyway, I never thought I'd do it, but if I see them on the street again, I'm going to punt them farther than (insert a super good NFL punter's name here) ever could. Besides, Mark has been, and I quote, "waiting his whole life to kick a cat," so I thought I'd make him proud ! :-)

1 comment:

J. Lee said...

It's so funny that your 85 lb. dog is afraid of the cats, yet anything with fur or FEATHERS Cael wants to go up and touch. Thankfully, he hasn't been marred by an animal accident and loves all things on four legs or two-webbed feet....he'll learn the hard way! My sister was attacked by geese and to this day can't go to parks when they are nearby! I'm so sorry to hear about all your animal-related incidents...but when I was reading this, I could totally hear your voice in it, Chrissy :)

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