Thursday, July 22, 2010

Today, I Am a Bronzed Goddess! All Hail...

I apologize if you were expecting this...

I wish.  Nope...not today.

Instead, unfortunately, the doorbell rang as I was getting dressed and applying makeup this morning.  Tucker darted at the door in one fell swoop, barking his enormous head off.  I, of course was startled, screamed like a little girl, and shot into the air.   And then...

...before I knew it, the loose powder bronzer that was nestled in my palm flew out of my hand in what seemed like the slowest of motion, bounced off the sink and ricocheted off the wall, spewing brown sparkly dust over anything and everything in its wake, including my entire arm, my hair dryer, my phone, and my shirt.  Basically everywhere except for the "porcelain god," who apparently, wanted this goddess to have the bronze all to herself.




"Ohhhhhh fuuuuuuudge!!!!!!!" I exclaimed in what seemed like slow motion as well.  I stood there, staring in the mirror at the mess.  My entire bathroom, cream-colored tile and all, went up in a huge puff of radiant ridiculousness.  Before I could even catch my breath, I realized that I still needed to see who rang the bell.  

So, I grabbed a tank top out of the dryer so I could quickly change the bedazzled one, and darted toward the front door.  It was the Qwest internet guy, who needed to be let into our yard.  I led him to the gate, pointed to the side of our house where the internety stuff was, and headed back inside.  

I glanced in the mirror once again (BAD IDEA!) and noticed that my freshly trimmed bangs were sticking straight up in the air, There's Something About Mary-style.  My hair was wet, and I didn't have a chance to take a blow dryer to it (unless I wanted sparkly dusty hair too, which, needless to say, I decided against).  

"Not too big of a deal," I thought.  Until I noticed the super long deodorant streaks that made an unexpected appearance all over shirt #2.  I had rushed to put said shirt on so quickly, that apparently I didn't pay attention to my technique.  And if you're a female, you are well aware of the technique.  Even if your product of choice claims it, "Goes on clear!"  Do. not. stray. from the technique.

So, of course, I changed again.

I then decided that it would benefit me greatly to wait until after I ate a sandwich and took a few deep breaths before tackling the bathroom clean up endeavor.  And man, I must have been REALLY thirsty after the ordeal, because I completely missed my mouth.  And spilled my iced tea.  All down shirt #3.

What now?  I thought.  

Well, for starters, I will laugh.  Giggle, chuckle, whatever it takes.  I'll just take it for what it's worth.  

And then later, I'll blog about it, so others can share in my laughter, and also the realization that sometimes, the price of trying to look pretty is sooooooo not worth it.

Unless you look like the girl in the Estee Lauder ad.  Then, I'm sure, the price is TOTALLY worth it!


Carol said...

Great blog. Those are the days you just have to go back to bed--at least that's my philosophy.

Glitter Scrubs said...

oh i have so had those days haha. i agree with the commenter above... back to bed would be the way to solve it :)

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