Friday, September 14, 2007

Sink or Swim

Lately, I haven't been doing a good job of skimming the surface. I've been feeling like I'm sinking a bit, actually.


I recently passed the one year mark of living in Colorado, and that's been a little hard for me. Perhaps the realization that Denver really is my home now and the pressures of the new identity that my new life presents are silently wearing on me. Among other things...

I'm still going through the emotions of leaving friends and family in Chicago, but now, since I've been here long enough, I'm now loosing friends in Colorado as well. One of my best friends in Denver, J. R., is moving back to Florida in one week. It's hitting me pretty hard. Not to mention my other good friend K. N. from my girls group who had to head back to Houston. And now my most favorite co-worker, M. S., is leaving work next week to have her baby and not return to work (lucky girl!). I know she'll still be around, but with my schedule lately, I know it will be tough to schedule visits with her. I have a tough time with change...can you tell?

There's a few other little things that have been wearing me down and causing me to sink, but I'll work them out and find my way to the surface soon. I always do. I flip my leaf over and hold on for the ride...


Mark and I had the chance to see his parents for a day last weekend in Avon, near Vail. We went to Oktoberfest in Vail and I bought a silver necklace with a tiny little leaf pendant. I've been wearing it for motivation, and when my kids at school ask about it, I explain the whole "starting over" process and I think a few of them may even understand! As silly as it sounds, I rub it between my fingers when I need a little help...

Well I finished my grad school application and sent it off! $40 at Fed Ex later... Ugh. The written statement was a challenge, but I feel like I did a fairly good job selling myself. We shall see... At least it's finished!

I want you to know that if you're a blogging friend of mine, I have been reading your blogs. I just haven't had a chance to comment, but I'll try to soon. Lisa, Kelli, Jill, Jenn, Melanie, etc.

I'll be back soon. Stay tuned. Thanks for reading when you get the chance!
Much love,


Mommy2JL said...

I think the necklace is a lovely idea.
I never thought anything of it before but I do the same thing. I wear my mother's necklace and always find myself fiddling with it when I'm feeling lost or lonely, or struggling with a decision.

I love the symbolism of your leaf :)

Lisa said...

I also love the necklace... what a beautiful way to remind yourself that life will float upwards once again. Here's hoping your leaf floats to the surface soon.

Kelli said...

Lisa's comment made me think of the title of that old Sandra Bullock movies "Hope floats" -- I believe she has a line somewhere in there that says, "hope floats up" ...and by the by, I think the necklace is wonderful - I used to do that with a necklace my ex had given me. Now, as it hurts too much to wear that necklace (so silly what emotions get attached to material objects!) I do it with a ring I bought for myself in honor of myself.

I love the analogy of a tumbling leaf...b/c that's pretty much what life is.

Mary said...

Turning over a new leaf is is both a real and symbolic part of life! I'm glad you have your necklace to help you through this time in your life. We miss you in Chicago (Round Lake) and hope your Leaf floats home soon.

Erikka said...

i found your blog through a friend and even thought i dont know you, all women can give a little support and some kind words to a fellow lady in need. leaves go through cycles...they live they burst forth in beauty they fade and die and then are reborn. same with us too.

i'm applying for grad school soon too. good luck!

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