If you have to cry...

go outside.

 At least that's the advice that noted fashion publicist, Kelly Cutrone, gives in her book titled, If You Have to Cry, Go Outside: And Other Things Your Mother Never Told You. Well, I've read her book.  I get her point.  But I realized that her advice doesn't necessarily translate to some aspects of childcare. 

For example...

I was smack dab in the middle of an informal job interview this evening.  The interviewer said the standard, "Tell me a little bit about yourself..."  Surprisingly, before I could even mutter a word, tears began streaming down my cheeks.

As I sat there on the comfy living room couch, crying like a school girl, I cradled the interviewer's sleeping three-month-old boy in my arms. At that moment, I thought to myself, "This has GOT to be one of the only professions in which crying in the middle of an interview is actually a GOOD thing."

***

This morning I learned that one of the families in my nanny share will be making alternative arrangements for childcare in the near future (for personal reasons beyond their control).  Sure, I've only been working with their toddler for a few months now, but as silly as it sounds, I have already formed a special bond with her.  I am heartbroken that I won't have much more time to watch her learn, discover and grow.  And aside from being heartbroken, I agreed to meeting a prospective replacement family just hours after learning the news of the change.  (Way to give yourself time to process and make sense of things, Chrissy...ugh.)

So tonight...when this lovely mom of the baby in my arms asked me about myself, I really wanted to rattle off my professional experience, proudly speak of my hobbies, and more or less, with all my might, impress her.

All I could think of at that moment though, was the little girl I was leaving behind.  Her parents, who, over the past few months, have taken such good care of me.  And that special bond with the quirky, chubby, gorgeous little toddler whose future will soon be in the hands of a stranger.

***

Was I embarrassed about my sudden tearful outburst?  Yup.  Did I want to immediately hide under a rock?  Absolutely.  But deep down, though I wish I wouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me, I knew it would end up being okay. 

The new family loved that I was sad over the change because it showed that I was emotionally invested in the job and truly cared about the children, and happily agreed to take take over for the current family and be a part of the nanny share.

Sorry, Kelly Cutrone.  This time, when I cried, I stayed inside.

-DTL