A few days this week have been pretty emotionally hard for me (see this post.) I kept it vague because nowadays I have no idea who is reading my blog, or who will in the future. But anyway, for years now I have most definitely felt "stuck" in regard to said vague situation. Perhaps someday I will elaborate.
Well, as new blogging friend Lisa very intelligently brought to my attention, I think I am beginning to unstick myself, simply by talking about being stuck. I don't think I'll ever be completely stick-free, but I'm working at it.
Mark has helped me come to terms with the sticky situation, and we had a fabulous chat a few nights ago and more and more I realize why I have chosen to spend the rest of my life with him! He's my one and only lifelong adhesive remover.
Anyway, I'm moving on for now, fully aware that being stuck is perfectly ok, and I'm not proving anything to anyone, even myself, by beating myself up over trying to unstick. And by realizing that, as Lisa mentioned, I just might be unsticking without even knowing it.
Thursday, August 16, 2007
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
This Nanny's Diary
As if two weren’t enough…
I’ve signed on for yet another job. Number three. Seriously. Although my experience as a nanny for 4-year-old twins this past winter was a complete and utter disaster, I decided to give it another try. You know, I’ll watch these kids during my spare time. All of that fabulous free time that I have when I take naps, read books, exercise and spend time with my fiancé and dog. You know, that imaginary peaceful and relaxing time that I’m willing to sacrifice for the sake of a few more bucks per week.
Today I was approached with the opportunity to be a once-a-week nanny for two sisters (three and five years old) who attend the preschool where I work. Just one day, most probably Monday, every week. It’ll be after school, in the evening, and hopefully not past 8:00 p.m.
Hopefully I’ll have nothing but positive experiences to write about in regard to my second go-ahead as a nanny. Stay tuned, and wish me luck!
I’ve signed on for yet another job. Number three. Seriously. Although my experience as a nanny for 4-year-old twins this past winter was a complete and utter disaster, I decided to give it another try. You know, I’ll watch these kids during my spare time. All of that fabulous free time that I have when I take naps, read books, exercise and spend time with my fiancé and dog. You know, that imaginary peaceful and relaxing time that I’m willing to sacrifice for the sake of a few more bucks per week.
Today I was approached with the opportunity to be a once-a-week nanny for two sisters (three and five years old) who attend the preschool where I work. Just one day, most probably Monday, every week. It’ll be after school, in the evening, and hopefully not past 8:00 p.m.
Hopefully I’ll have nothing but positive experiences to write about in regard to my second go-ahead as a nanny. Stay tuned, and wish me luck!
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Letting go...
Does everyone have it? That one thing that they simply can not forget? That one situation in their life that makes them feel stuck? Does it anger you as much as it angers me? To work so hard at moving on from something and feel like no personal progress has been made? Is it just me?
It makes me feel like such a failure...that I simply can not move forward. I question if I ever will. Can I simply wave the white flag and accept that I will always be stuck?
I have learned to treat people differently because of it. I have learned to swallow my pride. I have learned to demand respect and to act in a way where I, in turn, respect others. These are good things... Great lessons to take away. But that one thing...that one situation still makes me feel so awful and I'm so sick of it!
Do you have one of those?
It makes me feel like such a failure...that I simply can not move forward. I question if I ever will. Can I simply wave the white flag and accept that I will always be stuck?
I have learned to treat people differently because of it. I have learned to swallow my pride. I have learned to demand respect and to act in a way where I, in turn, respect others. These are good things... Great lessons to take away. But that one thing...that one situation still makes me feel so awful and I'm so sick of it!
Do you have one of those?
Monday, August 13, 2007
Fun Food Four Word-er
To set it straight. Not four letter words. But four word sentences. In this entire post. No foul language here. Only my random thoughts. In only four words.
Have new exciting friends. Work at Food Network. Emeril Lagasse, Rachael Ray. Sandra Lee, Giada DeLaurentiis. Learning many foodie tips. Cooking meals from scratch. Creativity has been soaring. Excitement in my kitchen! My meat needs work. All types of meat. I can do sauces. I can do dressings. I can do soups. Love to mix things. Without scientific know how! Out of the box. Is the best way. For me to cook. Ha ha, not literally. Creatively speaking, I mean. Not packaged boxed foods. Except for Sandra Lee! You'll see I'm right. Watch Semi-Homemade some day!
Risotto tonight was excellent. Just ask my Mark! What to make Jill? When she comes Thursday. For dinner with us! Have too much dressing. Made from Helen's cucumbers. Gazpacho didn't work well. Turned into salad dressing. Also made cucumber salsa. Veggies from Rubin's garden! Thanks Rubin and Helen. For being so neighborly! Please no more cucumbers. Though yours were great. I'm just cucumbered out! Grow any more zucchini?
No more marathon training. Cooking all the time. Not a pleasant combo. For my waist line!
Ugh, sheesh, oi vey!
Have new exciting friends. Work at Food Network. Emeril Lagasse, Rachael Ray. Sandra Lee, Giada DeLaurentiis. Learning many foodie tips. Cooking meals from scratch. Creativity has been soaring. Excitement in my kitchen! My meat needs work. All types of meat. I can do sauces. I can do dressings. I can do soups. Love to mix things. Without scientific know how! Out of the box. Is the best way. For me to cook. Ha ha, not literally. Creatively speaking, I mean. Not packaged boxed foods. Except for Sandra Lee! You'll see I'm right. Watch Semi-Homemade some day!
Risotto tonight was excellent. Just ask my Mark! What to make Jill? When she comes Thursday. For dinner with us! Have too much dressing. Made from Helen's cucumbers. Gazpacho didn't work well. Turned into salad dressing. Also made cucumber salsa. Veggies from Rubin's garden! Thanks Rubin and Helen. For being so neighborly! Please no more cucumbers. Though yours were great. I'm just cucumbered out! Grow any more zucchini?
No more marathon training. Cooking all the time. Not a pleasant combo. For my waist line!
Ugh, sheesh, oi vey!
Friday, August 10, 2007
The Balance of Thick and Thin
THICK AND THIN
“The big book is thicker because it’s bigger!” “No, the little book is thinner than the big book because it has a paper cover and the other cover is hard!” “No no no, my hair is thicker than yours because it is brown.” “Well, my daddy is thicker than me because he is taller.”
How exactly do you teach thick and thin to a preschooler? You can’t use words like “height” and “width” because you’re bound to hear crickets. You can show them the spines of two different books like I did, one thicker than the other, but most likely, they’ll say the book that is larger in size (not necessarily with the most pages) is the thicker book. What on earth can I say to make them understand?
***
BALANCE
My friend Jill has been doing a phenomenal job of balancing all areas of her life. This will explain it all…. I am so proud of her, and I’ll admit, a little envious! There’s a definite reason why I’ve chosen to be Denver’s Tumbling Leaf…twisting and turning, tumbling and fumbling through life…constantly trying to start over and get myself grounded. If I were Denver’s Balanced Leaf, perhaps there would be no point to my blog at all.
My life has been chock full of “thick and thin” lately. New second job, lack of exercise, applying to grad school, missing Chicago and friends and family, planning our wedding, dealing with anxious dog. As always, I need to do a better job of evening the thins and thicks. When life throws Webster’s Dictionary on one side of life’s scale, I find myself tossing a People Magazine on the other and crossing my fingers that it will somehow, in some way, balance. My my my, how DOES Jill do it? Intuitively place The Devil Wears Prada on one side, and The Nanny Diaries on the other? As cheesy as that sounds, as silly and girly that analogy is, it fits her, and um….well…did I say that I was proud of her? She amazes me.
***
THICK AND THIN
My Mark has the balance down pat – he always has. He understands what it takes to easily glide through the thick and thin. Especially lately, as he’s creating a monthly budget for me to help with my bills, working a second job doing freelance database work in his spare time, walking the dog in the morning when I can’t wake up because I’ve worked until 10 p.m. the night before, and washing all of my dishes from the burnt, crumbly cookies I attempted to make right before I left for my second job. Not to mention the great big hug that I got from him as I was in hysterical tears because the house was all smoky from what should have been the cookies. The definition of thick and thin, in this instance, to me, is synonymous with unconditional love. And to him, it comes so naturally – balancing his life and our relationship and making it all work. I love that about him.
***
BALANCE
I realized, clearly, that teaching thick and thin doesn’t necessarily have to do with what I say, but what I do.
“See kids, you can have a really BIG book with THIN pages on one side of the scale, and a really SMALL book with THICK pages on the other and they will balance. I promise!”
So I plopped both books on the scale and we all watched as the scale balanced itself and most of the kids said, "Now I see it!"
And right then I made a mental note to listen to myself when I try to simplify things for the kids. To force myself to physically see the balance, just like the books on the scale, before I finally learn to work through the thick and thin. If I can remind myself to visualize the balance, my thick and thin, no matter how big or small, will surprisingly begin to even out.
Until then, this leaf will twist and tumble, but enjoy the ride along the way.
“The big book is thicker because it’s bigger!” “No, the little book is thinner than the big book because it has a paper cover and the other cover is hard!” “No no no, my hair is thicker than yours because it is brown.” “Well, my daddy is thicker than me because he is taller.”
How exactly do you teach thick and thin to a preschooler? You can’t use words like “height” and “width” because you’re bound to hear crickets. You can show them the spines of two different books like I did, one thicker than the other, but most likely, they’ll say the book that is larger in size (not necessarily with the most pages) is the thicker book. What on earth can I say to make them understand?
***
BALANCE
My friend Jill has been doing a phenomenal job of balancing all areas of her life. This will explain it all…. I am so proud of her, and I’ll admit, a little envious! There’s a definite reason why I’ve chosen to be Denver’s Tumbling Leaf…twisting and turning, tumbling and fumbling through life…constantly trying to start over and get myself grounded. If I were Denver’s Balanced Leaf, perhaps there would be no point to my blog at all.
My life has been chock full of “thick and thin” lately. New second job, lack of exercise, applying to grad school, missing Chicago and friends and family, planning our wedding, dealing with anxious dog. As always, I need to do a better job of evening the thins and thicks. When life throws Webster’s Dictionary on one side of life’s scale, I find myself tossing a People Magazine on the other and crossing my fingers that it will somehow, in some way, balance. My my my, how DOES Jill do it? Intuitively place The Devil Wears Prada on one side, and The Nanny Diaries on the other? As cheesy as that sounds, as silly and girly that analogy is, it fits her, and um….well…did I say that I was proud of her? She amazes me.
***
THICK AND THIN
My Mark has the balance down pat – he always has. He understands what it takes to easily glide through the thick and thin. Especially lately, as he’s creating a monthly budget for me to help with my bills, working a second job doing freelance database work in his spare time, walking the dog in the morning when I can’t wake up because I’ve worked until 10 p.m. the night before, and washing all of my dishes from the burnt, crumbly cookies I attempted to make right before I left for my second job. Not to mention the great big hug that I got from him as I was in hysterical tears because the house was all smoky from what should have been the cookies. The definition of thick and thin, in this instance, to me, is synonymous with unconditional love. And to him, it comes so naturally – balancing his life and our relationship and making it all work. I love that about him.
***
BALANCE
I realized, clearly, that teaching thick and thin doesn’t necessarily have to do with what I say, but what I do.
“See kids, you can have a really BIG book with THIN pages on one side of the scale, and a really SMALL book with THICK pages on the other and they will balance. I promise!”
So I plopped both books on the scale and we all watched as the scale balanced itself and most of the kids said, "Now I see it!"
And right then I made a mental note to listen to myself when I try to simplify things for the kids. To force myself to physically see the balance, just like the books on the scale, before I finally learn to work through the thick and thin. If I can remind myself to visualize the balance, my thick and thin, no matter how big or small, will surprisingly begin to even out.
Until then, this leaf will twist and tumble, but enjoy the ride along the way.
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